The Lie of Superiority: Why Dignity of Choice Should Belong to Every Family

I’ve been blessed to be surrounded by phenomenal mothers, women who fiercely advocate for their children and trust their own instincts about what’s best. When a professional offers advice that doesn’t sit right, they don’t hesitate to seek a second opinion. Some call it “mother’s intuition,” but whatever you call it, the truth is the same: mothers know their children. Deeply. Instinctively.

And this isn’t unique to humans. You see it echoed throughout nature. Across species, mothers are attuned to the needs of their young. It’s wisdom that runs deeper than credentials.

But here’s the uncomfortable truth: some families get to choose what’s best for themselves, while others are forced into systems that pretend to help but ultimately control.

This isn’t just unfair.

It’s a legacy.

It’s a modern-day reflection of the same lie that justified slavery: the belief that some people are more capable, more moral, more worthy of freedom than others.

The Origin of the Lie

Children enter this world innocent.

I can imagine a white child, born into the era of slavery, quietly observing the stark contrast between his life and that of the enslaved people working in the fields. I picture him turning to his parents and asking, “Why are we in the house while they’re out there?” His parents, likely repeating what was passed down to them, would offer an explanation. One meant to justify the unjustifiable.

I imagine Black children on that same plantation asking, “Why are we treated this way?”

Both children, in different ways, were being shaped by a lie.

A lie so deep, it needed generations of reinforcement to survive.

A lie straight from the pit of hell.

John 8:44 makes it plain: “You belong to your father, the devil... When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

If you repeat a lie long enough, it starts to sound like truth.

And America has been repeating this one for centuries: that some people are more valuable, more capable, more deserving of freedom than others. Our systems were built on that lie and they still run on it.

We’ve internalized it.

Those descended from the oppressors.

Those descended from the oppressed.

Both carrying the weight of a deception that still shapes how we see ourselves and each other.

But the path to liberation begins with truth.

John 8:32 says, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

And here is the truth: God created every human being in His image, with equal value and worth.

Until we speak that truth AND build systems that reflect it, we will remain trapped in the legacy of a lie.

The Privilege of Choice. The Punishment of Control.

Most of us would never tolerate a stranger entering our home to judge our parenting. We wouldn’t accept being told how to raise our children, which therapist to see, or what values our family should hold.

But that’s exactly what we force on Black, Brown, Indigenous, and low-income families every single day.

We say it’s “support.”

But real support isn’t forced.

Real help honors your humanity.

Real help starts with dignity and dignity begins with choice.

If you wouldn’t accept it for yourself, why is it okay for someone else?

The Lie That Keeps the System Alive

To justify slavery, white society told itself that Black people needed control. That their freedom was dangerous. That lie didn’t die. It evolved.

Today, it shows up in policies that treat struggling parents as problems to fix instead of people to support. In case plans written without input. In court-ordered services handed down like punishment. In child removals that devastate families but sustain the system.

This isn’t just control. It’s commerce, eerily similar to chattel slavery.

Billions flow through a system that thrives on broken trust.

It’s family regulation disguised as “child welfare.”

It’s control in the name of care.

And it’s all built on the same old lie: We know better than you.

If All Families Were Treated as Equal

If we truly believed in equality, we would build systems where every family, regardless of income, zip code, or skin color, has:

• The power to raise their children without state interference.

• The right to say “no” without punishment.

• The freedom to choose culturally appropriate services.

• The ability to walk away from programs that don’t work.

  
  

And if a system couldn’t earn a family’s trust?

It would have to improve or go out of business.

That’s how it works for people with money, education, or privilege.

They choose their doctors. Their schools. Their counselors. Their timelines. Their pace.

That’s not a luxury. It’s a right.

And it should belong to everyone.

What Do You Really Believe About That Family?

If you think another parent needs to be forced into something you wouldn’t accept for yourself, pause and ask:

What do I really believe about that person?

Do I believe they are fully human?

Do I believe they deserve freedom?

Regardless of our background, we’ve all been shaped by this lie. The work of dismantling systemic harm begins within. By confronting the quiet assumptions we hold about who is worthy of dignity and who must be controlled.

That is the real work.

Because families don’t need fixing.

Systems do.

It's Time to End the Lie for Good

This is about more than policy.

This is about power.

It’s about who gets to choose and who is forced to comply.

It's about who we believe is worthy of trust and who we believe must be controlled.

EVERY family deserves dignity.

EVERY parent deserves choice.

Until we build systems that reflect that truth, we are simply repackaging the same old lie.

And it’s time to end it for good.